I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
