So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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