I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
