I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
