From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
