evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
