I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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