haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
