Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
