Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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