"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
