she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
