Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
