I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
