operation have a gay friend backfired
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
