so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
