remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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