capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She's the barista slut.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
