I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
