Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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