Yo dont text me then not text me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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