im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
