I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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