We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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