I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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