I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
