Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
