its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
