Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
