You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My liver just had a heart attack.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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