Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I understand Curling. That high.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
