That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's just like the Real World with babies
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
