I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
