Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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