i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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