Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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