what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
