Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
