my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
