we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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