I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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