am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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