I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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