she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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