just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
this hospital has no fireball
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
