Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
