Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
