you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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