There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
