it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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