the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
