it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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