No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
