Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
