I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
