did you get engaged???
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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